If you work with young people, you’ve likely said something like, “This is a safe space for young people.” I’ve said it more times than I can count myself and written it on sales pages.
I still believe in it. Safety is the very first thing we should be considering when we’re working with minors. But I’ve become a lot more careful about how I use the word, ‘safe,’ and I want to explain why, because it comes up constantly inside our Youth Mentor Training and it’s one of those small shifts that can change how you facilitate spaces with young people.
Language is always shifting and changing, and this word has moved a lot
In helping professions, “safe” has had a lot of attention in recent years. There’s been a real shift away from it, mostly because of how impossible it is to guarantee safety in any group setting.
I understand that. And when we’re talking about young people, I still think it’s an important word to hold onto. Just held a bit differently.
The difference between the two
Of course physical safety, emotional safety and psychological safety are all things we, as the trusted adults, should always be striving for and doing whatever we can in our power to create, whether we’re working one-on-one or in groups as youth mentors, facilitators, speakers or coaches.
But beyond that, in a group setting, a safe space is a judgement-free environment. Physically and emotionally secure, free from criticism or harassment. Somewhere a young person can explore what they’re thinking and feeling without worrying about how it’ll be received. The point is nurture. You’ll see this in therapy groups, where people need to be able to say absolutely anything without being judged or reprimanded.
A brave space asks a bit more. It encourages young people to challenge themselves, take risks in their thinking and their communication, and stay in the conversation when it gets uncomfortable. Healthy debate, critical thinking, sitting with a perspective that isn’t theirs without shutting down.
Both belong in youth mentoring. Which one you’re creating depends entirely on who’s in front of you, the culture you’re establishing and what you’re covering with them.
A young person carrying trauma, anxiety or a lot of emotional distress usually needs the safe end of that spectrum first. A group who’s ready to stretch their communication and thinking can handle brave. Most of the time you’re moving between the two, sometimes within the same session.
Why I stopped promising it
No set of group guidelines can guarantee safety for every person in the room.
When people learn together they bring different backgrounds, different experiences of trauma, different races, different triggers. Microaggressions land in ways you’ll never see coming. What’s completely fine for one young person is not fine for the one sitting next to them.
You can’t know which of your words might upset someone. And you definitely can’t control what another young person in the group is going to say, or how that lands on someone else.
There’s a tension in it too. If you promise a space where anyone can say absolutely anything, what happens when someone makes a racist comment, or has a go at another person in the space? You respond. You’ll have created group guidelines together that mean you have to. Which tells you it was never really a space where anything goes, and nor should it be.
All any of us can do is create spaces that are as safe as possible, with clear guidelines, where everyone is encouraged to be as open as they can be.
What I say instead
Tiny tweaks make a big difference and ultimately build trust. I recommend saying something like:
- “As safe as possible” rather than “safe”
- “Nurturing” rather than “safe”
- “A space that’s as safe as possible and non-judgemental, while encouraging our mentees to be brave”
Safety still sits right at the top of my mind, always. The physical and emotional wellbeing of every young person in that room is the job. I’m just far more careful about the exact language and encourage all youth mentors to be cautious and considerate with this too.
You’ll still hear me say “safe” casually. I say it all through our Youth Mentor Training (especially when we’re covering duty of care responsibilities, young people’s rights and what young people might be going through). When I do, I mean safer. As safe as we can possibly make it.
What young people actually notice
Whatever word you land on, and how you set it up, the felt experience is the thing. Guidelines they helped build together. An adult who’s invested and paying attention. Room to be honest, and a gentle nudge to be brave when they’re ready for it.
This is something we talk more about in our award-winning online Youth Mentor Training, where we spend a lot of time on how to set up and hold group spaces for young people. If you’d like to learn more, you can find all the details here.
Keep shining,
Amanda
